It's A Little Hard to Tell
by fromthehillbythelake
Summary: It's never safe when a patient soul and an ice queen fall. Jatie ONESHOT.


**Okay, so I love Jatie. I just freaking do. And I wanted to write this little story about them. So shout-out to all the Jatie lovers out there. **

**In this, they're both virgins, okay?**

**Hehehe.**

**I don't own.**

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"You're stupid," Katie laughs, adjusting her position in the passenger seat next to him. It's 2am and she can feel her eyes closing.

"I don't know," Jake grins, "I can't wait for it."

Katie bites her lip, unsure of how much she should reveal. "But I mean...doesn't it scare you? Being completely naked with someone, having them look at you, I just...no."

"Well that's sort of the point Katie," he smiles again. She sighs.

"But it's just so...awkward. I mean I just...it creeps me out," she whispers hurriedly.

"Sex creeps you out?" he looks bewildered.

"No," she tries again, "it's just so weird. I mean I wouldn't mind, you know, making the guy feel good, it's just...I don't want it...for me." She hopes he can pick up on what she's desperately trying to say - that she's disgustingly insecure and who would want to see her naked body anyway? She doesn't know why she wants him to understand this about her, but she does. He's always been better at this kind of thing than her.

"That's weird," he says after a moment, and her heart drops. She shouldn't care what he says, didn't know when she _started_ to care what he says, but she does.

"I'm kidding," he assures, his eyes bright. "I get it."

She smiles back at him, her eyes closed and her face pressed against the seat.

"I mean, how do people even _start_? Where are you supposed to look? Are you supposed to talk? I'd rather just have the lights off."

He laughs loudly before he catches her glare.

"Katie," he laughs again, "you can't get so worked up about it. You'll figure it out."

She sighs again, unconvinced. Easy for him to say when he's such a catch. Not that he ever believed her when told him how many girls had their eyes on him. It wasn't to put him on a pedestal, she just got inexplicably sad when he couldn't see what a great guy he was.

"But how do you _know_?"

He smiles slightly before looking at her. "I don't. I just know that when I'm with a girl, I'll make it great for her. Whether she's a virgin or not. We'll talk and I'll make sure I'm making her happy."

Her heart flutters at the sincerity in his tone.

"Plus..." he deadpans, "I'm a sex god, so it comes naturally to me."

"Ha," she snorts. "More like you've done your research."

"Wouldn't want the ladies to be disappointed."

She knew he was joking (mostly) so she let out a giggle. His phone vibrated loudly on his dash a second later, and Katie decided to check her phone as well.

"That's my dad," he mutters. "I've gotta be heading back."

Katie nods. Her sister texted her, but just to remind her to lock the front door when she finally comes home. "Okay," she smiles, stretching before she has to make her way to her car up the street.

"Where's your car again?" he asks, pushing open his door.

"It's not far," she assures, looking around his truck to make sure she didn't forget anything.

"I'll walk you," he smiles, his voice gentle. It's only a couple of steps away, and they make it in seconds.

"Thanks for tonight," he says. "It was fun."

She didn't know when driving aimlessly around Toronto, eating from three different fast food restaurants, blasting the radio, and talking non-stop constituted as fun for Type-A-Katie-Matlin, but with him, it felt just right.

"It was," she grins, opening her arms to hug him. He was usually so openly affectionate with people, so she couldn't help but wonder why _she_ had to initiate physical contact with him, especially recently.

He stiffens slightly when she embraces him, unsure of how to hold her...almost as if he can't quite figure her out.

"So," he says, suddenly serious. "I was thinking of asking this girl out..."

"Ah," she giggles, burying the pang of loneliness she feels. _You're just friends_, she reminds herself. _You're over him. You're fucking Katie Matlin, and you don't need anyone._

"Who's the lucky girl?" Her smile is forced and beaming, but she truly is happy for him.

"She's a friend," he answers lowly.

"Do I know her?" she asks, suddenly angry at him. She doesn't play 20 Questions for anyone.

"You might," he utters, his jaw clenching. "She's smart and beautiful and loyal and driven and I..."

She didn't know how much more she could take. They were friends, he was her best guy friend and she loved him, but she forgot how much this could hurt.

She remembered that day in May when she was going to tell him that she liked him. _Stupid, so fucking stupid. _She'd stood on his porch, almost ready to faint, when he opened his door, red-faced from laughing. He enveloped her in a hug, and it was then that she heard of Miranda. _Miranda_, who she had to hear about that whole summer. _Miranda_, who bought him the coolest things. _Miranda_, who kept him warm at night with her slutty feminine wiles. (That wasn't fair, the girl had been a sweetheart and she knew Jake hadn't slept with her...just got as far as). But _Miranda_ never knew how hard she had cried. How humiliated she'd felt. Her pride would never allow her be that vulnerable again.

"What?" she whispers, looking at her feet. He doesn't answer for a while, and she glances at him carefully.

He looks lost, like he doesn't know who he is or what he's doing here, or even why. And she just wants to make him stop hurting. _Don't,_ she reminds herself. _Don't_.

And before she can ask again, his lips are on hers.

It's desperate and needy and it _hurts_, but it's everything. She can feel her knees shaking, but he's holding her, almost as if he's afraid she'll run away if he lets go. All reason dissolves when he moves his tongue against hers, and she knows she's never felt so out of control.

"Jake!" she cries, accidentally biting his lip when she tries to pull away. Their breaths are ragged, and she has to put a hand to her mouth to stop the electricity crackling through her lips.

_Nonono. _

_This wasn't fair._

"We're friends!" she shrieks, suddenly furious. She was over him. She was finally over him. And he had to ruin everything.

"Katie," he whispers, his voice strangled.

"What are you doing? _Why did you do that_?" and she knows she sounds hysterical. "We're friends! You can't do this," she breathes. She starts to cry and hates him for it.

"I hate you," she rasps. "I hate you! You can't do this to me! I can't handle this!"

He reaches for her, but she wrenches free.

"No!"

"Katie," his voice breaks, but his hold is firm. "I know you're scared. I know I hurt you. I know it took me forever to realize. I need you okay? You're my best friend."

She struggled still, breaking apart in his arms. "I know you're proud, too damn proud to admit it, but I know you need me too."

"I don't need you!" she spat. She hates that she's crying. She hates that she can't fool him. She hates standing here like some soppy damsel-in-distress and hates that she couldn't let it go. And most of all, she hates that he has such power over her.

"I don't need anyone," she says dangerously, forcing herself to stop crying. _Shut down, make them cry, lie, lie, lie_.

_You are the perfect ice queen._

He looks at her with such sadness, it breaks her heart.

"Let's just pretend like this never happened, got it Lumber Jake?" she sneers, and she makes herself remember how it felt when he went out with other girls.

He's a boy of few words, but she knows he understands things better than most.

"Like _what_ ever happened?" he smiles, turning back towards his truck.

And she knows things won't ever be the same.

_He can't hurt me now_, she thinks. _No one can get close enough_. But she doesn't feel the satisfaction of winning. All she feels is loss.

"Text me when you get home," she commands, and he offers her another small smile before he climbs into his truck. She just wants to make sure he gets home okay, _that's all_.

**-x-**

And it isn't until she's on the highway that she lets the tears fall.

The boy who's skilled with wood - building and forging and fixing - should've known better than to play with a heart of glass.

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**Sorry for all that ANGST, oh baby!**

**I really hope I succeeded in writing their characters well, but aksjhgkjsgs. Hope you liked this :)  
**

**Review lovely?  
**


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